{.:JEYNAI's WORDs:.}

Video - No more Angel Gold.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 19:02:42 -0500

Copy & Paste Again. http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=100514090

Don't EVER spam my fxcking blog. EVER.

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:08:44 -0500

To whomever you are, I deleted your comments. To anyone else, don't ever spam my f*cking blog, dude. If you aren't an Angels Online member you don't even have a real reason to post on my blog. So don't. Because the next person that does it, I'm calling you out.

This is Elijyah.

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 19:05:13 -0500

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=64333656 Copy and paste into address bar.

This is JEYNAI.

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 18:56:10 -0500

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=64333029 Copy and paste to your address bar.

You Hate Me For A Million Reasons . . . But These Are Just A Few.

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 20:21:35 -0500

I wrote this a while back for an enemy, unrelated to AO. You hate me for a million reasons. But these are just a few. I am intricate. I am a wonder. I've been broken a million times but I have become strong and I continue to get stronger everyday. I am a beautiful human being. I am full of emotion, passion, and I can distribute love Accordingly As to how it is deserved. But you You Are hollow. On the inside you have nothing. And while I am confused but growing Confused but learning Confused but forming and shaping You Are just hollow. Nothing. Just bad spirits, thoughts that eat at you False hope that mocks hope that will never exist Just Purely Hollow. I have few that love me. Few that want to see me happy. Few. But they feel strongly. They praise me when I'm worthy of praise Scold me lovingly when I am worthy of being reprimanded. But you You Are alone. More than I am. More than I ever have been but the difference Between you and me Is that I've accepted feelings of loneliness It's hard But I can make it my own. You won't face the loneliness that surrounds you. Loneliness that unlike mine It is very much so your fault. I have succeeded where you've failed. I have determination you will never obtain. Where you are hopeless I keep trying. Where you hide behind closet doors and cry I bite my lip and let the world see my strain. But let them know My strain is gain. While you throw in the towel and blame everyone else I'm learning to try and stop blaming God and I pray. Do you pray? I pray for you. That you can find happiness and stop trying to fill the void of your own unhappiness by making others miserable. That you can be strong so that you may cease trying to make others feels weak. That you'll be an adult and start realizing some things in life are actually your fault. That you can stop hating me for being what you can't. I am a thoughtful human being. Not so much in the light of Consideration Thoughtful as in Always thinking And I think I forgive you You and all those that surround you. I forgive you Because I feel extremely sorry for you.Amen.

And This is How I Feel . . . [Censored for AO Blog]

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 20:18:53 -0500

And This is How I Feel . . . No, this isn't a poem. It's not a fancy love letter. With feelings deep and intricate. Emotions tense or high. It's what's on my mind. And what I have to say to you. See where I come from and how I was raised I don't know much about emotion. I know sure as hell how to feel it. But somewhere along the line I forgot how to share it. And now I don't know how to show it. This is what I don't have the balls to say to your face. And this is how I feel . . . Sometimes you upset me. You make it a little hard for me to be myself. Your take it or leave it attitude about everything, even when I'm not trying to argue. Sometimes I feel a little small. I feel like a little girl next to you. I know you aren't doing it on purpose. But I know that you know you're doing it. I don't like that you're a mystery. I don't like that you are complicated, even if you think you aren't. I don't like how you see things and people through rose tinted glasses. And I don't like how you try to make everything simple when it's not. I don't like that when you talk to me sometimes you blatantly look at my breast and only bother to make eye contact like thirty f**king percent of the time. . . . But I do like how strong you are. I do like how you think in general. I like the way you look at me when you think I'm not watching. I like the way you look at me when you know I'm watching. I like the phone calls just to let me know you're thinking of me. I like that even though you have a million priorities infront of me, you still try to make me feel as important as you can considering your situation. . . . It's enough that it doesn't bother me I'm sharing you. I love the way you kiss me, it's definitely different. I love it when you kiss my nose and forehead. If I were white, you'd see I was blushing. I love the noises you make when you kiss me, and how you whisper to me. I love how you are gentle but forceful. . . . From the moment you kissed me I could tell you wanted that for a long time. I could tell from the look in your eyes yesterday I hurt you. And I'm not going to promise I'll never do that again, and I'm sure as hell not going'ta promise I'll never be angry again . . . but I'll try not to be. You're the first guy that's ever told me why he thought I was pretty and I believed it. When we talked through how this was going to work, I didn't believe you when you said it wasn't going to be a hit it + quit it. I see I was wrong now. Men have hurt me a lot in the past. People have hurt me a lot in general. So I know you say I'm "just going to have to get over it" but it's more complicated than that. There are going to be times I'm not going to entirely believe what you say. There are going to be times I'm going to be suspicious or think you are lying. There are going to be times I think you are out to hurt me when you're not. There are going to be times I'm going to tell you you don't care about me when you do. But you are just going to have to get over it. . . . I know already that you are one in a million. But so am I. So prepare yourself. Cause trust me, you haven't seen the best/worst of me yet. Hugs and Kisses. Tiffany.

Little Flower

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 20:16:23 -0500

This is a poem I wrote a while back for my best friend. Little Flower [Freeverse] Little flower, why don't you grow with the rest of the daisy field? Why don't you bloom? The other flowers were planted with you, and sprouted the same with you Why have they grown so tall and you remain the same? You haven't blossomed like us You are beautiful like us, but still a little sproutling Your mirror says you are blossomed and come to season with us But you haven't Water, sun, fresh air Fertilizer Flower . . . grow with us Before we grow so tall you can't ever reach us Before you get plucked . . . Before you get stuck Another summer is coming, spring to life with us before Winter comes again I grow tired of spreading the fertilizer, sprinkling the compost. Giving water and sun I must leave your field And you must grow yourself Or die.

So apparently it's been a LONG mothereffin while...

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 19:59:34 -0500

So my friend triggered me to look through the blogs to try and find someone. And upon doing that I realized my blog has . . . a lot more viewers than I ever thought it would. So I think I might kick it back in gear: Unlike all the drama in the previous posts you saw, I'm still on the forums. I'm chill with almost everyone. And for the most part, it's all been forgotten. At least with the person I was mainly up against. <3 I'm still a noob since the level cap is like, what? 150 or 120 or something? But I'm in the 7x's now. After FA Event I'm hoping to be 80. Still not an effin' mod. I think the administrator doesn't like me. :x I don't know how many more opportunities have come my way that I've been denied. So I give up. Forum Legend it is. I'm in a league. AntraX where I'm not sure if I'm going to stay because I am completely and entirely useless considering my level. If FA Event is over and I haven't made it to 80 I think I'm going to leave and give the space to someone who can actually help get a totem. Dude. i just noticed. The smileys they have now are totally gay. :/ OH. I'm an Item Maller now. Yeah, fail I guess. Bite me. So not sure what else to say. :x I quit and came back for a time because Haniel people are jerks. Had Ven pilot me. I don't like being judged solely because I'm rich. I mean the day is going to come where I cant afford to IM anymore anyway, and quote me on that. So back up off me. :/ Oh and also, I'm trying not to be so antisocial. I learned that I have a reputation in Haniel for not replying to whispers. :x

"Got to admit it's getting better, it's getting better all the time . . ."

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 22:26:09 -0500

Just an update. I'm so glad I didn't leave. And I'm really glad I made a good new start. Goodbye Haniel! I knew the crowded drama well. Farewell! Thanks to Taliesan and Joel(y88).Tali for all the help, and Joel making me feel really good about something. By the way. I sound smart. :B Couldn't say I noticed. Aaaaanyway, I feel rejuvenated. It didn't take as long to get back to the beginning JEY as I thought it would. Still got some work to do, but I'm well on my way. Hooray!

Lol . . . Last thing and then I'm done.

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:03:56 -0500

Again honey, you gotta assume everything is about you. When I put in my sig don't message, don't talk to me, etc. I wasn't talking to just you. I was talking to everyone. Calm down. Umm . . . How am I fake exactly? I felt I was a bad person. I removed myself from an environment that was making me a bad person. I'm fake I guess? I came back because a user really wanted me to. I did. I'm glad I did, let me be happy? I've already moved on from this, you need to too. Again this is a last apology to everyone I was an ass to. I know in addition to trying to make a change I've gained a lot of enemies. But that's okay. I really really miss who I was. And if no one can see how unhappy and stressed out I had become, or don't care, they weren't my friends anyway. No one can say I was a bad friend. No one can say I'm wrong. The only thing I say I was wrong for is that instead of opening up to you, still never telling you the truth about how I felt till this day, caused me to build extreme resentment until I blew up one day over a crap reason. That and that only I will apologize for. And yeah, take a shot, I posted it on a blog, because I am NOT doing the bull forum drama anymore. Now I'm ready to be 100% honest. But to be real, I've moved past this. If you come to me and ask I won't shut you down. But I'm done. No more about this. No more about who I used to be. It's time to move on. Anything I see or hear that refers to me, I'll ignore. I'm over it. The truth is . . . I always loved you as a friend. But hate was starting to brew under the love. I loved you. But I secretly was always angry with you. And I'm sorry I never told you. JEY.